The Unexpected Cosmology

Origins of Our Weekly Calendar (Brought to You by Mystery Babylon) - I GUESS you could say this is sort-of a follow up to my recent paper, “92 Million Miles Around the Sun: The Dark Origin of Birthday Candles.” What I’m about to flesh out was already part of a social media discussion not so long ago, and as one might suspect, righteous indignation filled the comments […]

92 Million Miles Around the Sun: The Dark Origin of Birthday Candles - ATHEISTS HATE articles like this. I have the habit of sticking my nose in all the wrong places. I just can’t help myself. Take my junk drawer, for example. Too many rubber bands and uncharged batteries and not enough Chinese food menus. Most people feel accomplished cleaning out the Taco Bell hot sauce packets and […]

Origins of the Christian Steeple (Brought to You by Rome and the Mysteries of Isis) - MAYBE I’M JUST talking to myself at this point. I’m simply a researcher. I started this website five years ago in order to present my findings. Back then—in 2015, the talk of the town was Jade Helm and martial law and, as an added bonus, something about how satellites were fake. Today it’s essentially the […]

Unicorns Everywhere | The Horn as a Symbol for Sexual & Third-Eye Awakening - MY WIFE has a working theory that Hadley men are incapable of creating women. This is undoubtedly due to her careful observation that several generations of the Hadley family tree have only produced a lineage of sons. We’ve looked. We cannot find a natural born female anywhere in our ranks. Only sons. Apparently, Hadley men […]

The Copernican Revolution Was a Hoax (Also, Marie Antoinette’s Love of Pinecones Discussed) - MARIE ANTOINETTE had a thing for pinecones. I can’t blame her. Some girls like shoes. Others unicorns. I actually know very little about Marie Antoinette. But that’s probably because I’m a guy. And also, because there’s nothing quite like a finely preserved vase from Classical Greek times. At the Louvre in Paris, women are as […]

The Worship of the Serpent Is the Esoteric Reality of Dinosaurs - ARE DINOSAUR fossils a hoax? I really wish I could tell you they weren’t. I wish more than anything that I could keep pounding my head over the keyboard, screaming from my fingertips at the dinosaur deniers: IF DINOSAURS DON’T EXIST, THEN WHAT ARE THEY DIGGING UP!? I’ve argued their existence for years. But of […]

The STARBUCKS Logo Is a Goddess of Fertility, Sexuality, and War | Say Hello to the Biblical Ashtoreth - MANY TO MOST CONSUMERS MAKE THE HONEST mistake of confusing the STARBUCKS logo for a mermaid. And to a degree I guess that’s slightly true. I saw a mermaid, or perhaps she’s a siren, for years. Actually, I seem to recall my twenty year-old self, straining my eyes at the logo, trying to make sense […]

Alexander & the City of Immortals - Visions of Homer, the Blind Bard of Ionia   HIS OWN precious copy of Homer was safely locked in a golden casket, which he furthermore clutched between his fingers, when Alexander the Great stood along the Egyptian shore. Alexander had in mind a grand city which would bear his name; a Greek metropolis; a philosophical […]