Back Alley Dealers
Noel Joshua Hadley
12/8/25
JUST the other day, President Barrack Obama
and Senator Mitt Romney were two hands debating policy
from a literal world stage rather than a Shakespearean one, and now this.
How did that old Indian parable go again?
Two wings of the same bird.
I took out the trash after returning from the vote,
parading my ‘I voted’ sticker around town like Patty Hearst
waving an M1 carbine rifle for the news channels.
The bum in the back alley asked
if I was seeking a cure for the Stockholm Syndrome sniffles
as well as the sickly-looking state of the clouds
and a thousand other poisons.
Yeah, sure. Why the hell not?
It was either him or the Jehova’s Witnesses
going door-to-door, inquiring about my discontentment with the state of the world
and the fact that I would never amount to the 144,000.
Meanwhile, on the flickering television, CNN took a break
for pharmaceutical commercials.
And now they are multiplying.
There are stinking men in the back alley behind my house,
popping up from a trash can rather than a cake whenever I haul the garbage out,
dropping Facebook friend requests.
They open up their trench coat and growl,
“Hey kid, wanna’ get woke!?”
Pills for every occasion.
They’ve got the inside scoop on Sandy Hook, the truth about 9/11,
the down-low on Oklahoma City and the Boston Bombing.
They’ve got the one where Osama Bin Laden didn’t do it as well.
Here is what the lady at Walgreen’s really doesn’t want you to know.
Germ theory is just a theory though mostly a hoax.
They’ve got pills for that as well.
And if you’re especially ready to go there, they’ve got higher dosages,
such as the skinny on Auschwitz showering habits.
I never dropped acid in college,
which has me wondering if this is what a bad trip feels like, and if so,
do you know a hotline where I can ask the doctor about the side effects of red pill digestion?
Really, the stuff that comes out of my mouth at family gatherings.
The Media is owned by the Jews.
Doctor, I’d like to scrub the knowledge of that and the Military-Industrial Complex
so that I can finally go about enjoying my Super Bowl halftime shows again.
Got anything so asinine as to make me believe in the moon landing?
There is a remedy to normalcy and I already know what it is.
A steady diet of Jesuits and Freemasons from the One-Eyed Willy book publisher.
And to cap off the weekend, a Zionist agent behind the pulpit.
The Torah is done away with, hallelujah Jesus! Now pass around the offering plate.
Last week they were raccoons rather than dealers.
Rummaging through my garbage.
Raccoons.
Must be tanukis.
The Japanese warned me about them in anime cartoons,
but I didn’t listen, given the confusion of tongues and subtitles.
Finally, an international language
that we back-alley pill poppers can all agree upon.
Got any more of them memes?