The Unexpected Cosmology

Death, the Afterlife, the Shape of the Earth and Job | #8 “Can You Measure the Breadth of the Earth…?” - TO SAY “KANSAS IS AS FLAT AS A PANCAKE” would be to speak an inaccuracy, for Kansas, you see, is flatter than a pancake. Actually, according to the meticulous research and findings of Dr. Dobson and Campbell, it’s only the ninth flattest state in the continental United States. Minnesota is flatter, as is Louisiana—Illinois too. […]

Death, the Afterlife, the Shape of the Earth and Job | #1 Poor Job (An Introduction) - “Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book!” (Job 19:23) FOR THE MEDIEVAL COMMENTATOR, HE WAS A LEPER, while some modern scholars’ finger scurvy as the culprit. And it has been suggested that no less than fourteen diseases are attributed to him. Poor Job—as the disease laid hold of […]

“De Sun Do Move and De Earth Am Flat” — Reverend John J. Jasper (a Sermon) - IT IS CERTAINLY remarkable to consider that preaching was expressly prohibited among blacks during the first 25 years of Reverend Jasper’s ministry, and yet the Southern gentleman preached. For more than fifty years of his life, John J. Jasper was a slave. Regardless, in the decades leading up to the Civil War, the electrifying sermons which derived […]

Paralyzed Under the Gaze of the Creeping Planets (Job 38) - ASKING SUCH inconsequential questions as “How many angels dance on the head of a pin” has long been accredited to the sort of arguments of absurdity, or reductio ad absurdum in Latin, which aided and abetted in the crippling of medieval scholasticism while the Turks occupied themselves with more practical matters—mainly, the conquest of Constantinople. […]

The Cult of Dean Odle & the Terrible Battle for Flat Earth - “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust (Psalm 91:1-2).”   1 BEFORE INTRODUCING myself to Pastor Dean Odle on the afternoon of November […]

Civilizing the Savages—a Strange “Science” Initiation (a Flat Earth Poem) - I READ OF A VERY SAD CASE, In a dark aboriginal race, Invaded by white men, Who went there to fight them, And “civilize” all in that place. The white men, of course proving masters. Some benefits brought, and disasters ! But one of the worst, I’ve heard it rehearsed, Was binding all down with […]

Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Sinners in a Tub | The Meat, the Milk & Saint Peter’s Brother (Flat Earth & the House It Darkened) - MRS. HADLEY AND THE KIDS WERE ALREADY IN BED for the night, so we stripped down of everything but our bathing suites and yielded to the potency of a bubbling cauldron. I was almost immediately pressed to a conversation among strangers that I’d hoped to retreat from and which they likely wouldn’t be letting their […]

“The Earth was Formless and Void…” Ensnared in the Canopy of the Gnostic Spacemen | “Gap Theory” Mystics - WELL BEYOND PLUTO’S ORBIT, WHERE THE HELIOPAUSE kisses the boundaries of interstellar space, solar winds howled goodbye to Voyager 1, which suddenly had the distinction of becoming the first craft to leave the suns dominion behind. Meanwhile, here on Earth, the embers of Plato’s dreams glowed ashy-red. In a rather symbolic gesture, the spiritual aspirations […]

Beaten & Bruised Between the Applauding Hands of the Higher Critic | “Gap Theory”— a Fatal Compromise - GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, ALMOST ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. It was 1785, and the Enlightenment was not yet through, because Englishman James Hutton had one more treatise to contribute to its garbage heap of humanism. With Theory of the Earth, the age of creation became an issue of antiquity. History would no longer exemplify a six-thousand years […]

“She Went Chipping Rocks with a Small Geological Hammer” | Highly Educated—M. A. Buxton (a Flat Earth Poem) -   MISS PALLAS EUDORA VON BLURKY Who didn’t know chicken from turkey, High Spanish and Greek She could fluently speak. But her knowledge of poultry was murky.   She could name the great-uncle of Moses, The dates of the Wars of the Roses, The reason of things. Why the Indians wore rings through their red […]